Unloved (That’s A Lie)

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I was trying to title my poetry (I’ve been stuck on it for days) in order to distract myself from how I’ve been feeling so unloved all afternoon. Who knew why in the world this was happening, of all days? How I wish I knew. It was like my brain was a broken record, constantly repeating the same four terrible words:

“You are not loved.”

It hurt so much. I know these are words from Satan himself. And I know that this statement is a lie. But I can’t help but allow those words to get under my skin. It’s weird; I’m a sensitive person, but tag me in dank memes, or call me trash & I’ll laugh hysterically because I know it’s true (also because my sense of humor is warped).

With a heavy & hurting heart, I decided to delve into some scripture, because I know that there is power in the word of God. There, I can find some of the highest encouragement. This is what I found:

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,” (Colossians 3:12)

I’m chosen by God, made holy by the blood of His that was poured out on the cross where He died for me. I am beloved. Dearly loved. What a great reminder. I should really remind myself of this more often. But this is what I grasped. God chose me. Little unequipped-for-life me. Why? I will never fully know. But He chose me. He picked me. He wanted me.

I’m still hurting, and that might not change for a little while. But I’m encouraged. And I feel both empowered & humbled by those few words. There are people in the world who will not choose me, who will not love me. But that doesn’t matter compared to the love that the Lord has for me. Because if I don’t have His love, I don’t have anything. So because I definitely have His love, I lack nothing.

This goes for you too, my dear friend who is reading this right now. You are loved, and wanted by the Lord. When we dwell on this fact, and focus on Him, the awful thoughts begin to dim, and goes from “You are not loved”, to “You are loved”. We have to remember this.

“I am loved.”

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Responsive: A Prayer

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“You lead me to the water,

Sweet water,

The water of life.

When I am sinking,

You lift me

Up out of the night.”

-United Pursuit, Feeling Low

Jesus, there is so much I have to say to you. First, I need to apologize, because repentance is the gate to your listening ear. I’m so sorry for not listening to your laws. I am a broken human being. I need you so much.

Please have mercy on my soul, & the souls of my friends. We go wayward more times than we feel comfortable admitting. But we need your patient & slow grace. Have mercy on us. We have no idea what we’re doing.

Please help us to become more in tune with your precious voice. We need to listen to the voice that you use to lead us in the way everlasting. Our own personal plans have no place in the light of your perfect plans for our lives. Without you, or your voice, we are dead bodies.

But our victory is set in stone.

“Speak to the silence of my heart…

Speak to the silence of my heart…

Speak to the silence of my heart…

& I will wait for you to come.”

-United Pursuit, Speak To The Silence

Oh, Jesus…how much are we compared to you…your glory…the greatness of your presence…the shadow of your cross…the weight of our burdens that you carried upon yourself?

You are so perfect in each way- so incomparable. You, only you could have done what you did. May we always look to your cross. We are desperate for something that only you can give us. We can’t do anything in our own power to fix our problems; to fix ourselves. We need to have you make a home in our little, mere souls, because only you can change us from the inside out.

We are messes of human beings, but we love you. We try. But we need your divine help. Oh, God. You are the most precious thing we possess. We love you so much.

Let us be still. Still enough to hear your voice. To sit, listen, and respond.