Happy New Year, my friends! It has been a pretty relaxing holiday for my family & I, despite the touristy things & endless shopping trips we did in Florida. We went to the beach, met some online friends in Disney Springs, went to Universal Studios, and celebrated my birthday (21, wassup!!). For my birthday, we went to IHOP for dinner (those strawberry banana pancakes were something amazing), had some red velvet cupcakes for dessert, went minigolfing, and went to the bookstore! I added to my library quite a bit. Here are a few purchases I made: Daily Gratitudes by Amelia Riedler, a beautiful journal, Pride & Predjudice (thanks mom & Vic), a new bible, Flourish by Maragaret Feinburg, and Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst.
Uninvited is a book that seems to focus on the topic of rejection, such a hard subject to talk about. I don’t think of myself as someone who is prone to rejection, but maybe that’s because I don’t put myself in a position where I could be rejected.
I began reading this book last night, with my new journal next to me- oh, how I went into this endeavor completely unaware of how this book would affect me from the get go. The second sentence had me writing. This is what it said:
“Honesty wants me to speak to the least tidy version of the woman I’ve become.”
I can make try to make myself as beautiful as I can from the outside, starting from the clothes I choose to wear in the morning, to the make up I put on my face. But who am I before all of that?
Who am I really, once I expose myself to the light of day first thing in the morning, & face myself in the mirror?
From the outside, we are who we want to present to the world. With my pretty, made up face & tidy clothes, I am seen as put together, at least to those who don’t know me. To those who DO know me, and once I’m by myself, I can see that I’m messed up in all sorts of ways. I have deep cuts on my heart from bad memories that have shaped me into who I am now: afraid of love, always anxious, and tired of living, especially on my worst days.
I’m afraid that everyone will see this part of me & leave me rejected and alone. Is this what God thinks of me? Does He think of me as unworthy of the breath in my lungs? Is He afraid to love me because I’m sometimes afraid to love Him & give in to the lies of the devil instead of His peaceful Word?
“26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” -Ezekiel 36:26
Even though I see the worst of myself & fear rejection more than anyone will ever know, He has made me new. He has made you new. We don’t have to fear anymore.
“18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” -1 John 4:18
I might continue sharing about what I’ve been learning from this book, as I read. But I just felt like sharing this with you. Have a great week!