Something Is Lacking

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I decided to post something that I had previously shared with the girls in my bible study. I hope that you either find that you’re not alone, or that your struggles aren’t alien to others.

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”

// psalm 94:19 //

 
I’m a total worrywart. I really enjoy being positive, and I strive to be as joyful & positive as I can be around others, but a lot of the time, I can’t help it. Here’s an example of some things that can go on in my head: “What can go wrong this time?” “Let’s think of the worst possible outcome.” “This is what’s wrong with me.” “I’m going to worry myself to sleep because that’s seemingly all I’m good at anymore.”
 

I can be a total downer sometimes, and it’s truly awful. I often forget about the goodness of God in times like this & because I forget, I’m prone to worry, & it leads to a lack of trust in my God.

 
Why is it so hard for me to trust him? Is it because I don’t want to give up being in control of the things that happen around me? That’s probably the answer, to be completely honest. I wish it wasn’t the answer though.
 
But when I go to God & explain to him my worries, most of the time I’m met with that very consolation that the bible talks about, and it does indeed bring my soul joy, because the One who knows ALL THINGS, is telling me not to worry. He replaces my worry with unexplainable happiness. It’s incredible, the ways in which He helps us when we go to Him & ask. I should do that more- it’s refreshing, trusting God. It’s like a breath of fresh air.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been talking about prayer with my bible study  group. And although I write down a lot of my prayers, my vocal prayers are lacking. I know there’s power in prayer when I actually speak, and it’s very easy for me to do it in a group. It’s difficult for me to pray out loud when I’m alone, and I don’t know why. It could be because it’s just me & God. It’s a very vulnerable feeling, exposing your deepest thoughts with the Creator of your soul. I shouldn’t be hesitant to open up on a daily basis, because I need that community with God. I’m keeping myself from something wonderful if I don’t do it. I know it helps me trust Him, the more I talk to Him. I’m trying to fix it, because there comes a point where I begin to miss talking to God, and that time is now.
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