My Journey with Vulnerability (Lately)

Sidenote: Hopefully you care about my less-than-organized posting schedule as of late, but if you don’t, I completely understand. This post was supposed to posted on the 23, but I bumped it up because I’m going to be at camp!! With some of my favorite people & teaching kids about Jesus!! It was a last second organization, but I am SO excited! I have memory of some of last years training. But I’m also a bit anxious; I know a little over 5 people & I’ll be in a new place, with new rules, where I’ve never met the director or half of the other counselors. Though I’m only going to be gone for a few days, I’m excited to see how God stretches me, but I am nervous (what else is new?). I’m excited to show love to these kids who might not get that love at home. I’m excited to help them have fun, to give them a break.

ONTO THE POST!!

tumblr_oabrwbz4MM1r3pmtuo1_540

I was struggling & I knew I had to open up to someone. “But who do I go to? Who would want to listen to me talk about my problems? They’re so…mediocre. Everyone goes through issues, right?”, I thought to myself. Of course everyone goes through stuff, it’s an unfortunate part of life; I knew this. But what I didn’t know is that just because someone goes through a difficult time, doesn’t mean that they should keep it to themselves- that’s torturous, dangerous. I have many, many people in my life who deeply care about me & my well being, and they want me to be okay. Those people are my family.

I opened up about many difficult thoughts to someone else. It was extremely hard for me. “Would they hate me? What would they think of me? How would they handle it?” Way too many questions were running through my mind as I contemplated opening up. It must have been hours before I decided to talk about it. Of course they wouldn’t hate me. There’s no way they could think less of me. Oh, the things that we think when we’re in need of help. I worry way too much; probably the worst flaw I have.

You see, I know that being open is important if I want to achieve the realest version of myself within my friendships & the rest of my life. But it’s so difficult (yes, even for an “authenticity-chasing” hipster like myself)! When I put myself out there to be judged, no matter how much I believe I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, I still end up wanting to hide in isolation- but that’s not the way to go. Openness is the way to go.

I stress this almost regularly in my posts (I’m noticing a pattern): Have hard conversations. Force yourself to become as raw as you can be. Don’t fear the uncut version of yourself. There is so much to be learned from being shameless in the expression of emotions. I’m learning this. Most of the time, I learn things over and over. But I’m learning this right now. It’s hard. But it’s worth the community & love that comes from it.

I will be going to camp for a short while, and even though I’ll have a short time with those there, I hope to connect with them, gently hear them out in their struggles, and inspire them to be uncut & honest; there’s nothing more beautiful than that. If there’s anything I want to be in my life, I want to be inspiring & genuine.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s