I was invited & encouraged by a friend to spend time in worship tonight (sent to the groupchat nonetheless, but seriously, I might not have done it tonight if I weren’t so encouraged), and I spent some time looking through the psalms to see if there was any thoughts that God might provoke in my mind. Sure enough, I did find something (seek & you shall find, am I right?).
“The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.” – From Psalm 143:3-8
My burdens have only been increasing lately, and I know He knows how heavy my heart is at the moment. Only He knows how badly I want to just sit with Him, and speak to Him. Even to just look into His face for just a moment, because I know He’d be listening intently, fixed on my words, just being there & ready to answer if I have questions. Which I do. Why these things are happening? Why does it feel like He hasn’t equipped me for the things to come, the things that are actually happening right now? If He cares that I’m suffering and overwhelmed with life?
But of course He cares. I’m the apple of His eye, something that gives Him joy. He created me very carefully- of course He cares that I’m suffering. Life is overwhelming, and that’s why I have Him. It’s a cliche, but He’s my anchor. If I hold onto Him for my life that seems to be falling apart, I’ll feel safer because He won’t allow me to be moved. He won’t push me- instead He’ll gently nudge me toward growth.
The fact that He isn’t impatient or pushy gives me a much needed sense of security & gratitude. I can internally freak out about the things to come, and Jesus reminds me that He’ll guide me in the right way; He is the right way. All I have to do is follow Him.
I’m very thankful for the evenings & days where I’m just flat out straight with Him. The moments I ask Him to provide me with peace, His company, wisdom, comfort, anything.