What exactly is the process?
It’s gathering all the stuff you’ve owned for the last 20 years, and separating it all into piles, putting together boxes, taping boxes closed, endless trips to the storage unit, lack of sleep, loss of appetite, coffee runs at 12am, sleeping on the floor because your bed is long packed away, wearing the same outfit for 4 days, unwashed hair, more trips to the storage unit, sleepless nights staring at the ceiling and wondering what’s going to happen, seeing an empty room and wanting to cry because you suddenly realize that you will be closing the door to the place you’ve called home for you’re entire life, it’s getting in the car with the last of your things and saying goodbye to all comfort and familiarity.
The day I found out we was moving, I was like, “Who cares? I feel like this house is haunted anyway”. I shrugged it off so fast that I had no idea exactly how fast that day was coming up. We had a month before we had to move out, but myself being a lazy slacker, I put everything to the last week. That made cram time especially stressful, as you can guess.
During the last week of packing, I felt myself beginning to feel uneasy about leaving. I’ve lived in that house my entire life, after all. All my memories were held in that house. I felt like I would leave them all behind. I didn’t want to make any new memories in a new place. We’ve moved to my grandparents house for a little while, but still. This suddenly meant less privacy, less bathroom space, and now that my sister, my mom and I are now sharing a room, less personal space. How exciting, right?
Then, the dreaded day came. I was more miserable than ever, because it suddenly hit me; this was actually happening. This was real life. I had the last of my things packed, and before I knew it, I was standing in the middle of my empty bedroom, the echos surrounding me. This place had gone through many changes. I was moving out. This was happening, right now. That was the last time I would step into that room, and the last time I would step foot in that house I called, “home”.
This was the first morning I woke up in the new temporary place. I still don’t know how I feel just yet. I feel like I’m intruding in on my grandparents’ life. I shouldn’t eat their food. I miss my house, I miss my comforting silence.
So many things are going through my mind right now. Most of them worries. I have many fears that I have to get over, moving being one of them. I have no idea what will be happening in the near future, and I’m terrified. But with all this scary inconsistency, I’m really thankful to have God behind me, and reminding me that my true home is wherever He is. My home here is temporary, and one day it will return to dust. I need to work on having faith in what He’s got planned, and I need to work on trusting Him. This process is going to grow me, I can feel it. But all I can do is trust in Him right now.
I don’t know how to end this so I’m gonna write a random word now. Avocado.
The title has little to no importance to this post. It was actually a quote from a video I just saw, and I’ll be talking about that!
I watch videos about “Things Hipsters Say”, and I laugh every time, because the majority of quotes are relatable. For example, hipsters “don’t call themselves hipsters”. They go against any kind of “crowd flow”, and have unique mindsets and things like that.
Realizing that you may not exactly know who I am, I have decided to make a list of things about me based on things I’ve heard. Hopefully by the time you reach the end of this list, I’m not despised by all of humanity.
- I am a hipster.
- I am a poet + author in the making (still have nobody to be my editor, but that’s okay; I also edit myself).
- I’m an Oxford comma enthusiast, and believe that it deserves rights as well as anything else in this world.
- What’s a radio? I have Spotify.
- Fancy coffee. Crappy coffee. Coffee from the most amazing beans in the world. Coffee from the local chain coffee shop across the street. Coffee from independent shops. Instant coffee. Coffee that takes 10 minutes to make. I’ll drink it all.
- When I’m not broke (a rarity in itself), I thrive at the thrift store. I call my style “bohemian-hermit-that-just-reached-in-that-trash-can-over-there”.
- Vintage is swaggin’.
- My music taste can be described as the following: banjo-stomp-and-hollering-beard-dads and indie-girls-quietly-and-passionately-whispering.
- I don’t know which category my singing voice falls into (I don’t want to brag, but I know it’s 85% better than what I listen to).
- Coffee runs in my veins.
- I live for the acoustic sounds of the guitar.
I’m not too sure where this post went, but I did it for the sake of humor. I tried to envision what my “about me” would be if it was in a video.
Please still like me, I’m radical.
Do you ever get in a fight with someone you love, like a family member, friend, or significant other, and wonder if you’re worth loving at all? Do you ever shut yourself in your room and remember every awful thing that you’ve ever done? It makes you feel broken & unlovable, doesn’t it? Like, who could love someone so broken like I am? Who could possibly want someone like me, even after they’ve been exposed to the darkest parts of my soul?
Because I often feel like that. I’ll mess up once, and I’ll feel like the world’s biggest loser. I know I can’t possibly be the only one who feels like this sometimes, right?
God has known you & I before we were born (psalm 139:16). He created us with the utmost care and love (psalm 139:13). He values our lives more than any other living organism (matthew 10:29-31), and He provides us with everything we could ever need. He’s everywhere, at every point in time. He sees all, and knows all. Like, alllllllll. As in, every bad thought you’ve ever contemplated, every good thing you’ve ever done. He knew every thought you were gonna think long before you were born. He knows every little thing about you- the dark & the light. Do you wanna know a rad truth?
God still wants you.
You, and your raw, unfiltered self. He sees you at your worst and your best, and He still wants you. He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross so that you would never have to feel alone, and unloved again. In fact, I don’t doubt for a minute that He would die for you all over again. But He doesn’t even have to, because He said, “It is finished.” Jesus finalized it all. You are SO loved.
There is always grace for you. You can find it in highest, and lowest of times. Just open your arms, receive it, and remember your youth, where you ran in wide fields without a care in the world. You’re free, and you’re loved.