Lies vs Truth


We all have lies that lurk in the back of our minds. We know they are lies, but somehow we let them affect our personalities and our lives. It’s like a lingering thought that makes us think, “Is this true? Is this really who I am?”

Years ago, there was someone who I really cared about. Due to whatever circumstances, they felt prompted to tell me that there were things they lied to me about. For years I never knew what those things were, but my mind came to many conclusions like, I wasn’t wanted, I wasn’t cared about, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. I attempted to get the truth from them years later, but it was so long ago that any recollection of the event had passed. But I know I was wanted, and cared for, and that I was in the right place at the right time.

Satan has a sick and twisted enjoyment from telling us lies. He’s the father of lies, and he relishes in it without guilt. So it’s so important that when we have lies that pop up into our minds, that we tell ourselves biblical truths instead. I started doing this practice, and it’s been helping me a lot. Here are some examples from my life!

Lie: I’m not enough in my daily life.

Truth: So God created mankind in his own image in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27) // But you are a chosen people, a royal preisthood, a holy nation, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his glorious light. (1 Peter 2:9)

Lie: My blog doesn’t reach anybody and my ministry doesn’t matter.

Truth: And he himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, equipping the saints for the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness. (Ephesians 4:11-13)

Lie: Depression has a hold on me.

Truth: Dear friends, do not be surprised at he fiery ordeal that has come on to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. Bu rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 4:12-13)

Lie: I’m alone.

Truth: Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. (Psalm 27:10) // For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own. (1 Samuel 12:22)

So dear friends, I encourage you to write down all the truths that contrast your lies and let God speak life into you again. There is no place for fear. Be confident in who you are as Christ’s child.


A Little List of Thankfulness


Over the last few months, I’ve found myself to be quite busy with work and life-  the stresses of it all…surviving is hard. I feel like with the pressures of life, it’s so difficult to find time to reflect on the good things in life, especially when the world is not quite happy. But it’s still good to try and actively remember the good things in our lives, and thank God for it all, recognizing that He put those things there.

My Fiancé. That’s right, I have a fiancé!! Ezra has been so patient and kind to me over the 5 years we’ve been together- a great example of Christlike love. I’m thankful for him because when I go through an emotional trial, he’s present and supportive and wastes no time in encouraging me & lifting me up. And he’s my best friend- He makes me laugh more than anyone ever has, and I’m thankful for that.

Rest. On my very best day, I’m exhausted. I’m not sure why, but I feel most rested on Sundays (even if I wake up at 7am). Rest doesn’t mean sleep necessarily. I’m thankful for rest because  I feel like it’s the only way I can move along. I’ve recently been hearing a lot of talk about Sabbath- and not in a hipster/trendy way. I truly believe that we as the Church are finally getting the idea. 24h of rest in a 24/7 world is what God has for us.

My Friends. My friends are the one of my life’s greatest joys. I feel myself get lighter in front of them, and I’m thankful for the support & prayer they offer. I’ve known them for over 6 years, and I don’t know what I would do without them. My friends are also my family; I love my family to pieces. I’m thankful that they are hilarious and godly, encouraging people.

Salvation. I’ll be honest, I long to Jesus at the end of a particularly long day, which gets me thinking about my salvation. The reality comes to this: Jesus saved me from Hell. The eternal wrath of God, it’s been spared from me. I will only ever know the fullness of His love and His glory. It’s a small thought, but it’s the biggest, most meaningful one on the list.

Those are the things I can elaborate on, but I’m also grateful  for sleep, coffee, Sundays, art, sweaters, warmth, love, and sunny days. What are the things you’re grateful for?

Sometimes The Hardest Question Is “Why?”



First things first- asking God questions is not a sin. It’s okay to have questions! I believe that God welcomes hard questions, confusions, and difficulties.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?” -Matthew 7:7-9

Why would God want to withhold wisdom and intelligence from His children? I believe that He reveals to us what we need to know. The rest isn’t for us to know in the moment. I’ve had many times when I was at a loss and asked God why these events unfolded the way that they did. My soul was broken. I believe that by His grace, He allowed me to receive the answer after the crisis had passed. My eyes were open to the destruction that He was saving me from. It was like a puzzle piece that made everything else easier to understand.

I think it’s so important to understand that God can do whatever  He wants. That means He can choose to either answer or not answer our questions. He can answer them now or later. I still have questions that I’m still awaiting the answer for. There are some that I’ve waited forever on. It’s come to the point where it all boils down to one thing:

If I never get an answer, God is still good.

We must never forget that even in our frustration, confusion, anger, and impatience, that God is still on enthroned, and that He has the final word. We can ask always, but what God does is ultimately up to Himself. We must remember that He is always working in us for the furthering of His kingdom.

Keep seeking, friends.

A Season of Loss vs. A Season of Renewal


This year I’ve experienced both loss & renewal, in many ways. I’ve been challenged and empowered in all senses. I want to tell how God was involved in each of these situations.

My granddad passed away relatively close to Christmas. I’ve been sad about it and I miss him a lot, but God has restored my peace, because I turned to him when I had nowhere else to turn. Over time I’ve felt less heartbroken over it, and more tranquil instead. It’s odd to try to explain, but I feel very at peace knowing that the pain he was in no longer exists.

I’ve experienced both joy and sadness when contacting an old friend. Joy because it was an answer to a prayer of 5 years, and it was so wonderful to see them again. It was a loss because that lasted nearly two days. I’ve learned that God does give and take away, for purposes we may not always understand in the moment. I was honestly depressed after those two days- this was not going in the direction that I had hoped. The depression was a rut I couldn’t break for nearly 6 months. Half of a year went by and I was still broken over how God said no to something He originally allowed. I knew I wanted a future with my boyfriend, but God etched my desire deeper into my heart, and if I wanted to one day marry him, I’d have to make a choice- this friend who wanted nothing to do with me, or my boyfriend who wants everything to do with me. So I’ve decided to not be heartbroken anymore. There is a season for everything, and sometimes that season lasts for 48 hours.

Our church’s pastor resigned. It was difficult for my friends and I, as well as our entire congregation. Our pastor was present for a lot of our spiritual growth, ad he was a huge part of our lives. A lot of us didn’t see it coming. Of course, we all wished him the very best and prayed for his family, and the next week was a “What do we do now?” kind of thing. We prayed for months that Gd would bring in someone spiritually strong who would continue to lift up and challenge our congregation. The process seemed to faster than we anticipated, which was a blessing from God because we found someone who was the person we had prayed for! Our congregation is so excited for this season of renewal.

I think when things are going well, we often forget that God can easily take it away. And just as easily, He can restore what’s been taken away When things aren’t going the way we’ve envisioned we should remember that God’s plan is always greater. Sounds cliche, right? It is. But it’s also very true. Loss is real, and tragic. But restoration and renewal is also attainable through God. So don’t lose hope.

Life Updates: And Yet Again, Another Overdue Blog Post


The last few months have literally just been the following: work all day to go home and sleep, so I can wake up and do it all over again. Life has barely been exciting recently, because other than me wanting to be friends with someone who wants nothing to do with me, and having a long monotonous schedule where I’m cursed with anxiety, the only recent exciting thing has been the day trip where Ezra and I went to visit his family in his hometown over the weekend.

Despite the tedious and painfully exhausting days, I’ve been learning a few great things. Like friendship-wise. it’s so important that effort is made on both sides of a friendship. You can be kind to someone all you want, and you should be. But if you’re making all the effort for the two of you combined, you’re just going to exhaust yourself. I’ve exhausted myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was closed off to my friends because of this friendship I wanted so bad. I almost severed my relationship because of it. Realizing this has brought to light the fact that if I want a marriage with my boyfriend one day, I have to stop prioritizing this. I feel like I’ve grown a lot in this area over the last 2 weeks or so.

Another thing I’ve been learning (I’m just gonna brag on my sweet boyfriend for a minute). Ezra is so hardworking, and faithful in all areas. He always wants to one up himself and strive to be better for God, himself, and I- in turn allowing and encouraging me to do the same for myself. I think that might be one of  the most admirable things about him. Of all the time we’ve spent together, it’s so clear that there’s nobody else I’d rather do nothing with. Obviously we have misunderstandings, but growth with him is so easy. I think what makes it so easy is that we’re such good friends- we’ve seen each other at our highest and lowest points, enabling us to grow closer. I’d do anything for him, and I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else.

Also, my creativity is suffering. I go to work to go back home and sleep to go to work again. I’d love to focus on “me time” where I intentionally sit down with coffee and write. Paint. Anything. My being is suffering because I haven’t been artistic. I feel plain. Almost uninspired. Recently, Ezra and I took a trip to his hometown- it was so scenic and beautiful. A part of my heart leapt at the spark of a new adventure. I had a thrilling time and I can’t wait to return and explore (Another thing I adore about Ezra is that he knows how to inspire me). I’m dreaming about new projects and I will soar. Be on the lookout!

Growth is inevitable. I didn’t realize how my soul would grow so much since the last post. Growth is refreshing. I love seeing the way I’m better and wiser, and knowing I’m more than I used to be. I’m getting excited for change. The future is about to be ridiculously amazing.

A Testimony & Declaration of the Goodness of the Lord


Praise God.

I seem to be noticing a pattern in my prayer life. Every Sunday night we have a time of prayer at church, and I go once in a while. When I go, I’ve noticed that all my prayers are repentant. It’s not a bad thing, but is it depressing? Not at all. I used to believe that it was, but the reality is that the entirety of prayer for the Christian life, at least a good part of it, is repentance. It’s honorable in God’s sight because He wants His children to come back to Him.

“Repentance is not the work of a day, but of a whole lifetime.” -Thomas Boston

Praise God.

Praise God when I am deep into sin and am struggling to repent, because He remains on the throne. Nothing can shake Him off of it. He still remains steadfast in His love for me. Bless Him & His heart for the wayward soul.

Praise God.

Praise God when I’m hurting. People can disappoint and jab at the most tender spots in my spirit, and He is still holy and perfect, constantly offering His love to fill the cracks of my broken heart. Only He truly knows what I feel, and only He knows me inside and out. This is the most intimate & vulnerable relationship you and I will ever enter in. God knows each thought, act, and motive.

Praise God.

Praise God because He is endlessly holy and perfect in contrast to my sinful nature. I have nothing to contribute to His holiness. I can only confess how broken and shattered of a human being I am, yet made whole and pure in the light of His Spirit. And He hears me, immediately tending to His child.

Praise God.

Praise God because He is true to His word. God has a great purpose for my life, and He’s promised me this when He delivered me from deathly thoughts and motives. He has shown me love and has promised to remain in me forever. It’s incomprehensible, the love that God has for me. He is my precious and holy Father.

Praise God.

A Sedentary People


“Return to me, and I will return to you.” (Zechariah 1:3)

We go wayward, with our souls as nomadic as ever. We look for the next big thing, the next item to fill in our voids with. It’s an adventure that we constantly seek, and we thrive on the thrill of it. Where do we go from there? Deeper and deeper into the woods, farther and farther onto the waters. Using all our time, our resources, and energy, we get tired and weary.

Where do we rest our heads now? Why did we turn away, searching for something bigger and better than life? Maybe the thrill of the hunt is not all there is to life. Maybe life was perfect the way it was before we left after all.

So we turn back, our hearts heavy, going back to the place that we left- home. With our heads in our hands we stumble home in the dark as the sun sets. We wander forward, our destination predetermined in our minds. Defeated we move, not looking back. What can we do now but accept our mistakes?

The journey seemed to take forever, but we made it. Knocking at the door, we wait. The anticipation is terrifying- what if no one answers (for rejection is heartbreakingly scary)? An outsider would stand to the side, completely still, and feel the ground tremble with fear.

And he answers. He waited there since we left.

“I called you to be sedentary, not nomadic. Here, come inside. Please join me; I’ve prepared some rooms for you, and you’re just in time for dinner. Stay here as long as you want- I’ll take care of you forever.”

This is where we were always meant to be. Here, we have a home.

In Need of a Heart Change (again)



I have to say, the lack of posts on this blog is so embarrassing. 0 excuses, just pure laziness. I wanted to make more time so I can write more on this platform, and now that I have the time, I don’t do it. I suppose I feel like I don’t have many ideas to write about, but that isn’t true- my mind is always running.

Last night was one of the first prayer nights I’ve been to in months, and I wrote down some thoughts in my notebook as I listened to some of the lyrics of the worship songs we were singing. My thoughts might be all over the place, but I really wanted to get them out here, and share where I’ve been spiritually lately.

I was living in blatant sin a couple of months ago. Then I had a change of heart and decided to change my ways so that I could be a better example to those around me & those in my life. Fast forward a month or two, and I’m back where I was. I became deeper in my depression and decided that I was going to be reckless and impulsive. I had no self control and I desired nothing more than to be self destructive. I wanted to be numb to the emotional pain I felt, and I was endlessly apathetic in my spirit.

Tonight was the first night in months that I’ve been to a prayer meeting, and I’ve been listening to the worship music we’ve been singing. I realized that I don’t know if I mean the words that I sing. Do I sing the songs because I think the melody is pretty? Do I do it because I like the way it makes my voice sound?

Worship music is the most convicting tool sometimes.

I need to truly believe the words I sing, because that’s the only way the worship will be useful. It will help me to be shaped and my sin will be chipped away like a sculpture’s piece. Living in sin is pleasurable but painful when we decide to stop abruptly. Ask anyone with an addiction- it hurts to stop altogether, and it’s easier to stop step by step instead. But we aren’t called to that. We are all called to STOP RIGHT NOW. And it’s so painful. Parting with sin is like parting with a toxic, long-time lover.

It’s so important for me to get back to where I was before in my faith. I miss it- the freeing feeling of being shameless and blameless before Jesus’ feet. Now I just feel dirty and gross. I have to quit being so self destructive, and I desire to be on the right track again. I don’t want to be reckless. I want to be a positive testimony to those around me. I recently told a good friend of mine that being called a hypocrite is the worst thing that a Christian can be called. Well, I’ve become the very thing that I hate.

I want the worship songs to make sense again. I want to disown the belief that God doesn’t want me back.

A New Years Resolutions Post: The First of Many

Merry Christmas!!  The holidays are in full swing, and there’s a little bit left to be done (friends who are waiting for christmas cards from me in the mail- I’m sorry, you’ll be waiting a little bit!), but the excitement is definitely not stopping anytime soon. With that said, the new year is quickly coming, and I’m sure you’ve probably started thinking about your resolutions and ambitions for 2018. I have as well, and I hope to stick to them!

Fix my relationship with God.

First and foremost, this is my priority. I haven’t been faithful and I’ve chased other things, which has made me weak in spirit and in strength and has thus made me less wise in my personal decisions. I need an attitude change. A heart change. The only way I can do that is by making my time with God a priority. You can’t have a relationship with someone, expect it to get stronger, and not do anything about it.

Fix my relationships with my main friends.

I’ve made some wonderful friends this year, and I’ve created deeper relationships with friends I’ve known for years. My friends are such a blessing to me. Yet there are people in my life who I love and treasure so much, but those friendships have been suffering because of our different schedules. I miss the time I used to spend with them, and I don’t want to grow apart from them. I will allow time in my schedule to see my friends and mend those relationships that are slowly drifting.

Go part time to make more time.

For the longest while, I had so much free time on my hands. I was able to do anything I wanted- for example, keeping this blog up to date regularly. Another example, was endless coffee dates with people I care about. I used to spend a lot more time praying and worshiping God. I think a big mistake this year has been thinking I could handle full time work. Now understand what I’m saying: Work is important, but it’s not the most important thing a the end of the day. I’m burnt out, constantly exhausted, and never well rested. Which is why minimizing my hours will probably be very beneficial to my mental health as well as my personal life.

Create things intentionally.

If you are a dedicated reader, you will remember that I was working on a book! You’ll be excited to know that this book is all edited and ready to be published- I know I am! I just need to make it happen. And this year I want to make more things. I used to blog so often, and I had a purpose for it; I wanted to encourage people and I wanted to share my life through a lens of reality. I want to rediscover that purpose and blog out of passion, not guilt. Another thing I want to do is write as much as I can; I used to write so much earlier this year. But I became full time, and the words just stopped flowing. It’s one of my beloved passions. I need to cultivate it again.

Do more.

I have so much I want to do this year. I don’t want to let this year waste because I was too busy counting hours. What really matters is my faith, my friends, the things I love to do. It’s all so important to me, and I’m determined to do it all. Determination. I think that’s why people struggle to keep their new years resolutions- they lack the determination and in turn forget their goals because they get caught up with money and the anxieties of life. I refuse to be like that. I will not be fearful, I will be strong, and I will conquer. Amen, right?

I’ll encourage you to do the same- be determined to keep your resolution list simple and stick to them. Write down your reasons for them and remember them frequently.

I’d love to hear about your goals for this year!! What are they? What holds priority in your life for 2018?

A Christmas Season Reminder



Cinnamon tea in hand, with a warm cardigan on my back and Trading Christmas (the best Hallmark Christmas movie) playing on the screen, while I sit next to my window listening to the wind, and watching the snow storm outside. It’s currently -4C (39F for my lovely American readers) outside. It’s nice to be inside this morning and not outside in the cold.

The image of what I’m doing right now is relaxing, isn’t it? An hour ago, it wasn’t even close to relaxing. In the name of authenticity for the sake of this blog, here are the events of what happened.

I woke up with the intent to meet someone this morning. I get ready to leave, knowing there was a snowstorm (the things we do for dear friends, am I right?). I go outside, wait at my bus stop, and the bus never shows up. I walk to the Tim Hortons coffee shop right  beside it, I get a coffee, and I wait inside for the next bus. Never comes. I happen to put my hand in my pocket where my bus pass was, and I can’t find it. A little panicked, I quickly retrace my steps, realizing that it’s not in any of the places I went. Sulking on the way home, I contact my friend and tell them that I can’t meet them. I go home to drink my coffee, and it’s cold. What a perfect start to my day.

I read an old post that I made last year, and you can find it by clicking here. I was instantly reminded of how Christmas is so much more than snow and gifts. It’s so easy to get lost in the commercial aspect of the season. I’ve been so focused on whether or not I’ll be able to afford gifts for everyone that I’ve so quickly forgotten the actual reason Christmas is celebrated.

The reason is that sin came into the world at the moment Adam & Eve disobeyed God, separating the world from Him. The way God would bring His people back to Him would be through Jesus, who came into the world as a human baby, so small and weak and relatable. We too, were weak children. What better way to show us that He understands, than to come to earth as a child? Jesus’ purpose was to grow up and be blameless, and be sacrificed on the cross, thus breaking down the barrier that separated us & God, finally reconciling us together.

“Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.” -Isaiah 1:18

Christmas is the beginning of the greatest story in history, and its something to always remind ourselves of. The commercialism of the Americanized Christmas holiday is meaningless compared to the hugeness of Christ’s coming. It’s a reminder of humility, thinking about how the King came down as a baby, instead of a huge parade. Incredible to think about, isn’t it? And it definitely slows down the chaotic mindset. My day just brightened up, thinking about this! I feel a lot better about my situation right now, and I’d like to encourage you to think of this as the month goes by, as well.